There are many reasons why you may be upset about an unplanned pregnancy. You may feel you are too young for motherhood, you may not be in a stable relationship or you may already be struggling to manage as a single parent.
How can PCS help?
If you are thinking of adoption, PCS can help you to understand the adoption process in New Zealand and support you while you decide what is best for you and your baby.
This is not a decision you need to rush into. You can spend the rest of your pregnancy giving it consideration, talking to your counsellor, finding out more and keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings. You may want to discuss your plans with your partner or family.
Some women choose to have an “open” adoption, where they meet the adoptive family, know who they are and where they live, and then keep in touch as the child grows up. You can also choose a “closed” adoption where you have helped choose the family, according to the file about them, but don’t ask for their name or address.
Call PCS and talk to one of our counsellors about what is involved in adoption and how you feel about it – ph 0800 773 462 (0800 PREGNANT) or visit these sites for more information and personal stories:
Teenage Birth Mother’s Story of Open Adoption:
I became pregnant to someone who wasn't my boyfriend at the time, when I was 17. This was the worst thing that could happen to me, as I was so young and was also from a religious background, and went to a Christian school and had Christian friends and family. When I learnt I was pregnant I was in shock and felt it was unreal. My immediate reaction was the desire to have a quick termination and not tell anyone I was pregnant. That way, I thought no one would ever know and I could get on with my life as if it never happened. I ran away from home and stayed away for a few days. However, I quickly accepted that I was deceiving myself, that I would never be able to keep it a secret forever, so I came back home. Fortunately I have very supportive parents, and even though they were upset with the position I was in, they still loved me and wanted to support me, as long as I cleaned up my act.
So I moved back home. Keeping the baby was never an option for me as I wasn't ready for the responsibility. But having a termination was no longer an option now that I was back home and trying to clean up my act. So I decided on adoption. Nine months of being pregnant at the age of 17 seemed like a very long time at the beginning, but the time went fast and giving birth to a baby was the most rewarding experience I have ever been through. I don't think anything quite compares. And even though I wasn't able to keep bubs, I was prepared for that and giving her away to a loving and caring family wasn't as hard as some people think.
I get along with the baby's family very well, and have the chance to see her around once every month or two. It is a relaxed arrangement and is a matter of whenever suits myself and the parents. Open adoption has, in my mind, been for everyone the very best answer to a really difficult situation. The parents get a chance to bring up a child and call her their own, the child is given a loving family and everything she should have growing up, and I am secure in the knowledge that she is safe and happy and that I made the best decision for her wellbeing. She is beautiful and smart, and I am proud of her but I never regret the decision to entrust her care to someone else.
Even though I missed her when she first left, I had such peace knowing that I had made the right decision.